Today I am alive.

I haven’t felt like writing or doing or sharing much of anything lately.  Winter tends to be hard on me, and each year it gets harder. It’s becoming difficult for me to tell the difference between my sickness, fatigue, “brain fog” etc. and just laziness or discouragement.  I feel like I am coming back out of a deep fog since around Christmas.  There are a few basic things that I force myself to do each week, with my granddaughters high on that list.  Other than that I’ve lost my drive to do much else.  I feel God is teaching me to rest and accept the sickness He has allowed for me.  God is teaching me this year to accept His plan for my life and surrender my own broken plans.  I am too tired to keep pushing against the fatigue.  From the Sjogren’s Syndrome support group posts I read on Facebook, my experience is very common to others with this disease.  It sometimes makes me wonder why God still has me alive on this earth.  This writing came to me this morning, and I hope it might encourage others who may be sick like me, or wondering about their purpose in life.  For believers in Christ there is always a good purpose and meaning to life, no matter how we may be feeling.  And there is hope for a better future in eternity.

Today I am alive. 

I am alive today because God has ordained it.

So many others have died; God has me alive for a purpose and a reason.

Even if I can’t see much purpose, God has got it.

Each day of life on this earth is a gift.

Only God has the right to decide who lives and who dies.

Trusting God through each day with its trials, tests, and persecutions will yield me great eternal rewards.

This world, this fallen earth life, is not all there is.

I am not capable of evaluating how effective my life is; God alone is and will be my righteous judge.

I cannot change the sins and mistakes of my past, nor the consequences from them, but they are all forgiven by God.

God has promised to work all things together for me for good, including my mistakes and failures.

I cannot lose as a believer.

Today I have the opportunity to choose to serve and obey God by grace.

God, please lead me in Your paths of righteousness, for Your Name’s sake, one day at a time, today.

Lead me God into the good works You have ordained for me, even before the foundation of the world.

What will today bring? Each day is a mystery that unfolds.

Sometimes there is beauty and goodness, sometimes ugliness and evil.

Sometimes boredom, discouragement, but sometimes joy.

Whatever You allow for me God, keep me faithful to love, trust and obey you by grace.

One day at a time.

6 thoughts on “Today I am alive.

  1. That was beautifully written. It brought me to tears because I’m now realizing all the things I can’t to anymore. It’s so hard to take care of my grandson. It drains me so, and yet my kids don’t understand my aches because they are not visible. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Lucy, may God be your strength and help in time of need. I don’t think anyone can understand what a particular illness is really like unless they have experienced it themselves. I understand –Sjogren’s Syndrome is such an invisible disease. Thanks for your support of my writing; that is really encouraging for me.

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  2. Thank you Beth. I have missed your musings and wisdom applied to real life. Age changes and the flu make this a timely meditation for me. Karen

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  3. Love you, Beth!
    You are a tremendous support for me and today’s writing is a wonderful example of your timeliness in a time of need. Today started very rough and seemed to get worse as it went along in spite of trying to get past the frustrations and attempts turn it to something positive and edifying to God. It is amazing how God can change things when we just simply submit to His will — even if that means just standing still in faith and trust in Him. He brings sweet peace even in the midst of our troubles.

    I am praying for your healing, and for peace and freedom from fatigue. May God give you wisdom and bless your writings, your faith, and prosper your efforts for His honor and glory!

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