As some of my friends know, I play at playing and studying piano music. I also teach piano students how to play piano and read and interpret music, on a small scale. I’ve never in my life really had the opportunity to properly study music or piano, but I’ve done a lot, by God’s grace, with the dabbling I have done.
Lately, I’ve been practicing some of my Level 4 Classical repertoire (I use Snell’s books which come with CDs to listen to the selections) even though I don’t currently have a student at that level, sadly. Level 4 selections are easy enough for me to learn pretty well with little effort. There are several tunes in Level 4 with a very dissonant and “sad mood” by some 20th century composers that I really love in particular. I have a way of worshiping God while I play classical music that I suppose most people won’t understand. I often compose my own words to the wordless classical tunes that I can meditate on in my heart while I play. Sometimes I even try to sing and play at the same time, which is something I am not very good at. And I don’t have a great singing voice to begin with, but I so love to sing.
This year, as Good Friday and Easter have been approaching, and as I’m grieving being separated physically from my family, church, and close persons in my life due to the guidelines for the Pandemic, these songs have been very meaningful. I’ve decided to share a couple of videos of imperfect but heart felt performances of a song called “Ivan Sings” by Khachaturian to which I have written these lyrics. There is nothing profound about these lyrics–they are just what I’ve been praying and singing to God lately. Unfortunately, the cheap version of WordPress I am using for this blog will not allow me to attach videos, so I will have to try to share those separately. If you are interested in hearing me play the piano or play and sing at the piano, be in touch. These are the lyrics I’ve been meditating on for about the last month or so as I play “Ivan Sings”.
Jesus died upon the cross.
Died alone at Calvary.
Jesus suffered on that cross
when He bled and died for me.
Jesus, Holy Lamb of God,
willing Lord to die for me.
Jesus, worthy Lamb of God,
Lord how can this be?
Jesus, how I love you Lord,
teach me Lord to love you more.
Oh Lord Jesus, Holy Lamb of God,
Teach me Lord to love you even more.
Yes Lord Jesus, precious Lamb of God,
Teach me Lord to love You more.
Ironically, as I write this, the morning (nearly noon already actually!) of Good Friday, April 10, 2020, I am struggling against some wrong and negative thinking. I am struggling not to question God (again!). I know questioning God and His goodness is wrong. Examples of some my wrong questioning and thinking are:
Why would God take away my physical access to my granddaughters via this Pandemic and the world’s response to it? Time invested in them seemed like the one good thing I was able to do with my life.
Why would God want me to have so much physical structural body pain and autoimmune, dysautonomia, and mast call activation syndrome diseases?
Why will God not “fix” all the things that are wrong with my life, especially help those I love to know and follow Him?
Why, why, why. I am working hard to discipline my thoughts to think the only proper why question I should be asking especially at this Holy Week season. My pastor Jeff Lacine recently taught a devotional online (4/9/20 on Facebook) in which he posed the very pertinent question for me, saying “What am I worried about or distracted by that is causing me to be OBLIVIOUS TO THE CROSS?? Oblivious. I amaze myself at how often I can worship so well and yet in another moment be so oblivious. God help me. These are the questions I am going to discipline my mind to ask today: Why would God so love me to send His perfect, sinless, only Son to become human forever and to die in my place? Why would Jesus love me so much to be willing to do so? Why am I chosen and called to believe in Jesus? Why do I have this sure hope of eternal security and bliss on the New Heavens/New Earth with God? Because God is loving and good and trustworthy. God, please help me remember it and to worship You rightly in Spirit and in Truth this Easter season and always. God, please use this post to encourage others who might be struggling as You see fit. Teach us all Lord to love You more. I am grateful to God for the gift He has given me to worship Him well at the piano, by grace through faith. For those readers that I know personally, let me know if you’d like me to share it with you.