Just venting again (sigh.)

Just venting. Sigh. Sjogren’s Syndrome + Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis + Dysautonomia/Autonomic Nerve Damage + Bipolar Disorder II + Interstitial Cystitis + IBS / SIBO + Histamine Intolerance / possible Mast Cell Activation Syndrome + Structural body damages + who knows what else = pretty hard to bear sometimes. Acute insomnia 2 nights in a row (Bipolar brain shifted). Just woke from a 2 hour nap. I literally feel like Lazarus trying to get out of his funeral wrappings after being brought back from the dead. Or worse. I guess God knows what He is doing in the calamities He is allowing or even causing in my life. I know God will cause all things to work together for good in my life since I am called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28.

God’s Word in Isaiah 45:5-7 says:

“I am the LORD, and there is no other, besides me there is no God; I equip you, though you do not know me, that people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the LORD, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness; I make well-being and create calamity; I am the LORD, who does all these things.”

For me, Isaiah 45:7 is a hard pill to understand and swallow. But God has said it, I believe it, and that settles it. And we also have the promises of Romans 8.

God’s Word in Romans 8:28-29 says:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”

God will use every trial, test, and persecution He allows or even causes in my life and in the lives of all true Christ believers for our good – to be shaped to be like Jesus Christ through our suffering. I am persevering. I’m holding on by a thread only sometimes by God’s grace.

What are you struggling with friend / reader? How can I be praying for you?

I think it’s time to get back to counting and journaling my blessings / gratitude points. Does anyone else do this as a tool against discouragement? Here are some of my gratitude points, specifically in regard to coping with my health issues. I am going to compose my top ten thoughts about what I have to be grateful for now, without giving it too much deep thought. Dear God, I truly thank You for:

1. God is real; good; all powerful, etc. – completely righteous and trustworthy. (Because this impacts EVERYTHING and every situation always.)
2. My call/choosing by God and eternal salvation from the righteous justice and God’s wrath I deserve because of my sinfulness. (Ditto.)
3. My hard working, excellent provider husband who is still a great friend after 44 years of marriage and 45 years of relationship/love/friendship.
4. Our beautiful house/home that my husband makes possible. (You should have seen how hard he worked out in our gardens removing fallen leaves and debris; and putting up Christmas lights today. Pretty amazing guy.)
5. Granddaughters. They are so precious to me! They are surely the two most wonderful girls ever, even in all their imperfections and learning curves they are on. Oh how blessed I am to get to host them at my home often.
6. Family/friends/loved ones. If only my relatives really knew how much I loved and valued each one. How much I want to HELP and ENCOURAGE them and I am not out to mis-judge them, and with only rare exceptions I’m not feeling called to even rightly evaluate and judge them.
7. The privilege and joy of piano teaching when students actually show up to lessons consistently and apply themselves a bit and I can see the learning. Few things make me happier than helping students, of all ages, discover the joy of reading and interpreting music and being able to play it out on a piano. Similarly the privilege and joy of mentoring a couple younger women in the Bible weekly by phone — it is so mutually wonderful.
8. The joy and privilege of hosting people at my home from time to time in the strength God provides. For my new toy Keurig coffeemaker and K-Cups which will be more fun for my guests.
9. For this old computer, monitor and keyboard I have available to use for my writing, Facebook, email, and other people outreaching ministries, and for two tech smart sons to help me when computer help is needed.
10. For all the products I need to manage all my many illnesses being available still (and I try not to worry about how bad it might get if they are ever not available) and for my husband’s financial provisions making it possible for me to afford the ridiculous out-of pocket expense to obtain them: eye drops, mouth spray, saline nasal sprays, decongestant nasal sprays, lotions, lavender oil and other essential oils, pads, supplements, new medical slippers, etc. etc. etc.

And now I want to keep on going, but I have reached number 10. There are also the daily provisions I am continually so grateful to God for and which I never take for granted: water; food; clothing; a comfie bed and bedroom; plumbing; my wonderful hot, good shower; toilets; toilet paper (remember the Pandemic shortages?); etc.

I believe the principles for which we celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas (thankfulness to God; delighting in gathering with loved ones; celebrating and remembering God becoming human to rescue humanity–that is the incomprehensible Incarnation of Christ)–these principles should be practiced and celebrated daily 24/7, season in, season out. May God help me find His grace and strength to keep persevering in my light, momentary afflictions, and may they be useful to bring glory and honor to His Beautiful Name. May God help all His Universal Church around the globe in this regard today and always. Take that December! (See my earlier post entitled Oh December… in which I resolve to not let the pressures of Christmas and year end get me down.)

2 Corinthians 4:16-18:

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

Oh help Your church Lord. Let it begin with me.