I have not been well enough to write any new posts for a while, though many ideas often swirl through my mind. I thought this post might be good to repeat today and I hope it encourages someone. It encouraged me as I re-read it this morning while I was shuffling through and trying to organize my Bible studies, journaling, writing projects, etc. etc. Keeping my home office clean seems insurmountable. Today matters. Each life matters. There are no “losers”. You matter to me dear reader.
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From March 5, 2019: I haven’t felt like writing or doing or sharing much of anything lately. Winter tends to be hard on me, and each year it gets harder. It’s becoming difficult for me to tell the difference between my sickness, fatigue, “brain fog” etc. and just laziness or discouragement. I feel like I am coming back out of a deep fog since around Christmas. There are a few basic things that I force myself to do each week, with my granddaughters high on that list. Other than that I’ve lost my drive to do much else. I feel God is teaching me to rest and accept the sickness He has allowed for me. God is teaching me this year to accept His plan for my life and surrender my own broken plans. I am too tired to keep pushing against the fatigue. From the Sjogren’s Syndrome support group posts I read on Facebook, my experience is very common to others with this disease. It sometimes makes me wonder why God still has me alive on this earth. This writing came to me this morning, and I hope it might encourage others who may be sick like me, or wondering about their purpose in life. For believers in Christ there is always a good purpose and meaning to life, no matter how we may be feeling. And there is hope for a better future in eternity.
Today I am alive.
I am alive today because God has ordained it.
So many others have died; God has me alive for a purpose and a reason.
Even if I can’t see much purpose, God has got it.
Each day of life on this earth is a gift.
Only God has the right to decide who lives and who dies.
Trusting God through each day with its trials, tests, and persecutions will yield me great eternal rewards.
This world, this fallen earth life, is not all there is.
I am not capable of evaluating how effective my life is; God alone is and will be my righteous judge.
I cannot change the sins and mistakes of my past, nor the consequences from them, but they are all forgiven by God.
God has promised to work all things together for me for good, including my mistakes and failures.
I cannot lose as a believer.
Today I have the opportunity to choose to serve and obey God by grace.
God, please lead me in Your paths of righteousness, for Your Name’s sake, one day at a time, today.
Lead me God into the good works You have ordained for me, even before the foundation of the world.
What will today bring? Each day is a mystery that unfolds.
Sometimes there is beauty and goodness, sometimes ugliness and evil.
Sometimes boredom, discouragement, but sometimes joy.
Whatever You allow for me God, keep me faithful to love, trust and obey you by grace.
One day at a time.
Grandma Beth's Blog 
Beth this was so good to read. I have exactly the same feelings trying to tell if it’s laziness from being ill for so long, or part of the illness that causes all the fatigue. I wonder as well many times why? I know I have been ugly to people but God forgives me. People do things behind your back and that discourages you, makes it very hard to trust. It hurts more when it’s a Christian that does this. There have been many times since my heart attack that I wish Wes would not have found me in time. I have felt so betrayed by people this last year or so. I know God has a reason why I’m going through all this stuff and I have to tell myself it’s OK. And there are plenty of days that it is. However with other things going along with my chronic stuff, there is yet another issue that weighs heavy. I do a good job most of the time hiding it, but sometimes it gets the better of me. These are the times I wish (as above). Deep down I know He holds me in the palm of Hs Mighty Hand. I’m ONLY by His grace and mercy. I know I sound loony and all over the place but that’s me.
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I understand your thoughts. We seem to have the same types of struggles. Of course each person’s trials are unique to them, but I think I can empathize with you. I’m so sorry for the hurts you’ve experienced. I’ve had that happen too. God is using us! There is a reason we are here today. Thanks for your transparent, loving sharing. I believe God will use it to encourage someone.
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